My Crazy Life

I just realized that it has been a long time since I last wrote a blog.  Frankly, I forgot I had a blog.  With all that is going on in my life right now, it feels like a great time to get back to writing.

I know that all of you want to hear about my new relationship more than anything else, so I'm going to save that for last :-) .

School is hard.  I know, I post about this on facebook, but it is even harder than I say it is in my posts.  At this point, I'm concerned that I may not pass one of my classes.  No matter how much help I get or how many questions I ask in class, I just don't know how to write proofs well.  I just don't feel like my mind can think the way it needs to in order to understand proofs.  The sad thing is, if I don't pass this class, I will have to change my major, and I can't think of a single thing that I want to major in other than math.  I have to just keep praying that I can somehow train my mind to think that way and keep working hard.

Now, enough about school.  Ok, maybe not.  I love my new job at school.  Being a tutor makes me feel so energized.  I especially love tutoring Calculus.  I've begun thinking that I may want to teach Calculus because I love it so much.  However, that would mean that I wouldn't be teaching middle school kids which is the age group I like the most.  It is quite the dilemma. Thankfully, this isn't a decision I have to make today.  However, I do have to pass my proof writing class in order for it to happen. 

Ok, now I'll talk about my relationship.  This has to be kept quiet for now though.  The man who caused me to change my relationship status is Cassidy's dad, Kevin.  A couple of weeks ago, he came over, and we went to one of Cassidy's football games together then he spent the evening over at our house.  He and I both realized that we still loved each other.  We have loved each other for more than fifteen years, and we realized that the feelings were not going to go away.  So, we decided to get back together.  Unfortunately, we got back together two days before he moved to Arizona, which is where he is now.  He and his son moved there because the job prospects here are slim, and his dad is very sick.  He is going to work on coming back here soon, but for now, he is working as an actor at the O.K. Corral.  He will be playing Ike Canton.  Oh, and the reason we aren't making it public that we are back together has to do with his son.  He doesn't want his son to feel guilty about keeping him in Arizona when he'd rather be here with me and his daughter, so we're going to wait until his son is settled in Arizona before telling him.  Besides, we have a history of getting back together then breaking up, so it is probably a good idea to make sure things are going to work before telling the family.  I have told my kids about us, and they are very supportive.  They think it is weird but cool.

Finally, I am having problems with Beth.  I know, that isn't unusual.  She has always been a difficult child.  However, this time, my heart is truly broken by her behavior.  She has begun hanging out with the "stoner" group at school and has even been seen smoking pot downtown with her friends.  She lies to me about just about everything and started doing whatever she wants, no matter the consequences.  I spoke with her about it last week, and she said that she didn't care if I took her car or made her quit her job, she was going to continue to do whatever she wants.  So I told her that, if she was going to do whatever she wants whenever she wants, then she was going to start paying her own way in the house.  If she wants to pretend that she is an adult, she can have the responsibilities of an adult.  I broke down all of the household expenses and handed her a detailed bill for 1/3 of the expenses.  She thought it was the best idea I'd ever come up with and agreed to pay me.  She won't be making her first payment until the 6th, since that is payday, but what she doesn't realize is that the amount she has to pay is close to her entire paycheck.  I'm hoping that she quickly decides that being a child and following my rules is a much better deal than doing what she wants and being broke.

Along with Beth's new adult status, I put some stipulations on our deal.  I told her that she cannot break the law, she cannot skip school, and she has to pass all of her classes.  The last one made her groan a bit, since she is not doing well in most of her classes.  In the first week of being independent, she spent almost all of her money on convenience store garbage food and has nothing left for the next four days, and she was almost late for school because I didn't wake her up.  She also keeps falling asleep in class because she stays up almost all night every night.  The sad thing is, her first action as an adult was to block me on facebook and take her extra car key off of my keychain.  To say my heart is breaking is an understatement.  Please pray for us.

I guess that wasn't my final bit of info.  I'm going to end on a positive note here.  Cassidy Rose is doing pretty good. As you all know, she is on the cheer squad at the High School.  She loves it and is doing amazing.  Her tumbling skills are improving, and I love seeing her bouncy and happy.  She had some major friend drama over the past year and lost one of her best friends, but in the aftermath of that, she has become even closer to one of her other friends and seems to have a really great group of friends right now that make her feel good about herself. 
I guess that's it for my crazy life right now.  Thanks for reading, if you got this far.