Should Be Studying

I should be studying for my calculus midterm, but there's too much on my mind, so I thought I'd write a blog.

Things have been really rough for me lately.  I'm still pretty lonely at school.  I go through each day alone.  No one talks to me at school, and the couple of times I've tried to initiate conversation in class have resulted in one word answers then the person I've tried to converse with turns and talks to their friends.  Everyone is so young, and most of them live in the dorms and are taking classes with their friends.  It feels like there's no room for me.  However, I do enjoy my classes.  I'm learning a lot and doing well in them.

To add to my loneliness, my dad has succeeded in making sure we don't want to talk to him or spend time with him.  It started on Saturday.  Beth's car hadn't been working well, so dad offered to help us out and take a look at it.  He spent a few hours replacing the alternator, but the car still wouldn't work, in fact, Beth and I were stranded in her car with a dead battery late at night for two hours.  We got the car back to my dad's house, and he offered to take it into the shop on Monday.  While working on the car, he told Beth that she now owed him a car wash.  He made a point to mention the outside of the car then said that if she got "a wild hair," she could tackle the inside.  His car was filthy inside and out.  It was covered in mud and full of garbage and dog hair.  We took his car home because Beth's wasn't working. 

On Monday, Beth didn't have school, but I did.  She spent a lot of time cleaning the outside of the car and cleaned all the garbage out of the inside and vacuumed up the dog hair.  It still smelled strongly of cigarettes, but it looked a lot better.  Beth also baked him three dozen cookies.  We took it back to him and traded cars with him after Beth's car was fixed.  He made a big deal out of the fact that he spent $231 on her car and that she better appreciate it.

Fast forward to wednesday night...We went to Cassidy Rose's basketball game, my dad came.  After the game, while we were still sitting in the stands.  My dad started yelling at Beth, every other word a profanity, about the fact that she didn't do a good enough job on washing his car.  He said that she should've done a better job because he spent so much money on her.  He started to tell her that he wished he would've done a half**sed job on her car like she did washing his.  He made sure to make her feel horrible, putting her down and abusing her with every word.  As we walked out of the gym, I told him that his language and yelling was not appropriate in a middle school gym, and it would've been more effective if he would've used a bit of tact and class when letting Beth know that he felt she didn't do a good enough job.  He responded by saying that, if I didn't appreciate his language in the gym, then he didn't belong in the gym either, and we could forget about inviting him to any more of Cassidy Rose's game.  Beth was crying as we went to the car.

I am so angry with my dad for reacting this way.  Beth is still hurt, as you can imagine.  I had a long conversation with her about how this type of situation should be handled and that my dad didn't handle it the right way.  She said something about how she thought he was a Christian.  I asked her how she thinks Jesus would've wanted this situation to play out.  She said that she knows she needs to forgive him, but that doesn't mean she has to be around him.  At this point, none of us want to be around him.  Unfortunately, this is a regular thing with my dad.  He is never gentle or tactful when he is upset about something, he almost always starts yelling and throwing profanities around.  So now, I add to my loneliness by losing one of the few family members that actually took the time to talk to me on a regular basis.  Everyone else is too busy and doesn't answer the phone when I call.

Another sad thing that has happened recently has to do with my car.  I loved my VW Bug, but I had a car payment and full coverage insurance.  I couldn't afford to keep it any longer, so I put it on consignment on a car lot here in town and bought a beater car we've named "Hank." Hank is ugly, and I don't really like him, but on a positive note, he gets better gas mileage than my Bug did.

Sorry for being a downer.  I'm trying to get out of this funk, but right now, it feels like the whole world is out to get me.  Did I mention Beth was in a car accident?  She hit a brand new car in a parking lot and did a little over $1000 worth of damage.  Thankfully, insurance covered it, but the rates are now going to go up. 

Ok, I'm done complaining.  I think I will go listen to some worship music while studying for my test.