I'm trying really hard not to become depressed and not to let life get me down. I know in my knower that God always takes care of me. He has never let me down, but the enemy keeps jumping in and giving me all sorts of reasons why He might let me down this time. I know it is the enemy, I know I need to just resist him and trust in the Lord, but right now I feel so weak and lonely and afraid.
Earlier this week I made my calls. I called the places I have sent resumes to as well as the people I have interviewed with. Each and every call resulted in a rejection. Today I visited a few places to drop off more resumes and was met with more rejection. I have run out of places to visit and give resumes to. I don't even know where to look anymore. I feel like I've run out of options.
Today when I got home from a rough job searching day, there was a letter in my mailbox from my lender telling me that my request for help with my loan payment while I'm unemployed has been rejected.
On top of all of this, I'm continuing to have problems with my exchange student. She told my kids that I'm a bad host mom and that coming here has ruined her life. Also, when she was speaking with her mom through Skype last weekend, her mom told her she was fat and that she couldn't believe she let herself get so huge. This girl is a size 4 and is very tiny. There is nothing fat about her. She has been lying to me about what she has been eating and is attempting to starve herself to lose weight. She sent an e-mail to the new york office of International Student Exchange, complaining about me, our agent, and the entire program and demanding that she be allowed to do what she wants without all of my rules. She has also called our agent's boss on several occasions, telling her what a horrible host parent I am. Frankly, I'm done with her. I don't really want her here anymore. I don't need the added cost or stress. They don't know yet how they're going to handle it. They're thinking about sending her back to Macedonia because she is clearly too spoiled to handle a program like this.
I'm about at the point of breaking down. I feel so alone right now.
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3 comments:
I love you and our family is praying for you.
It might be best to let the exchange student go. She sounds not only spoiled but damaged by a mother too focused on appearance. You do NOT need the extra stress and you aren't a failure or a bad host mom. She's ungrateful and childish.
Please hold tight to God right now, even if He seems distant. You will get through this.
I hope Viki gets sent back home too. She doesn't deserve the chance she was given and will hopefully grow up one day and see what a spoiled and ungrateful brat she was and be ashamed.
I wish I could hug you right now. I don't understand how a request for help while you're unemployed, as the sole provider in your family, could be rejected. Maybe the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and you're going to have to squeak loud and long. Not fun, I know, when you'd rather just hide under the covers till all the bad stuff goes away.
Marisa (as always) and Brenda had such wise things to say that anything I start to type seems trite. I think the idea of being the squeaky wheel on the loan is a good one. I also think that a self-centered teenager is the last thing you or the girls needs right now. I'm praying the agency will make the right decision with her.
I love you. I wish I could give you a hug. Hang in there, and call me anytime you need to. {{{hugs}}}
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