Some days I really question my parenting. I have always done the best that I can do then one of my kids turns into someone I don't like very much, and I question the way I've raised her.
Ever since I broke my ankle on Saturday, I've been in pain and haven't been able to do a whole lot around the house. I've had to lean on the kids and ask them to help out with just about everything. V has risen to the challenge. As the oldest, she has taken on the toughest jobs and is always right there to help me when I need it. I've been trying to alternate which kid I as for help when I need assistance. There are come things that I know CR can't do, since she isn't as big or as strong, so I ask B to do them. Well, every time I ask B for help, she gets a major attitude with me and argues with me. I tried to talk to her about it because I know she blames herself for my getting hurt, and I thought that was why she was giving me attitude. Her response was that she is mad because she thinks I'm making her do more things than everyone else. When it comes down to it, V is doing the most work, and B and CR are doing about the same amount. Her attitude is making my situation even more difficult.
Along with the attitude problem is a bullying problem. She has been bullying her sister more than ever. Yesterday she locked her out of the house then went onto the video game CR had been playin (Animal Crossing on the Wii) and started cutting down all the trees. She claimed that she was going to "make the town really ugly" before letting her sister back in the house. I wish this was an isolated incident, but sadly, she is this mean most of the time. I tried to explain to her how much it broke my heart that she was mean to someone I love and that being mean to her sister is being mean to me. I've also talked to her about how God felt about the way she is acting, but nothing seems to get through to her. She blames all of her bad behavior on her sister.
I asked V what she saw going on, since she was here when the whole thing happened, and she is someone new into our house. She said that CR didn't do anything to provoke her sister. She just came home from school and started talking about her day at school. I often worry that B is going to go to far and actually hurt her sister one of these days.
My broken ankle has put a real damper on my week. I haven't been able to sleep and hate it that it is so hard for me to do anything. Something as simple as carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the living room is a big production. I'm tired of it already. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I went to see the doctor yesterday. Though he said that the break is much worse than we originally thought, and there is possible a fracture in another bone, he put me in a boot cast. In about another week, I'll be able to walk on it and won't have to use the crutches any more. My arms, hands, and back will be very happy about that.
Thank you all for "listening" to me. It is nice to have the support of all of you to help me though.
**Update**
V and I talked a bit while I was taking her to school. She said that she talked with B last night after I went to bed. B told her that it didn't bother her at all that she got into trouble for being mean to her sister. She said that she enjoyed being mean to her sister a lot more than she cared about getting into trouble, and that she wasn't going to stop...
What some of you don't know is that many years ago when B was in preschool, they had a week long unit about good and bad touch. B lied to her teachers and told them that her brother touched her inappropriately. After a full on investigation by children's services and the school, it was determined that she made the whole thing up. She even admitted that she made the whole thing up to "see what would happen". That is when I quit being able to see my sons on a regular basis. They didn't want to come over any more after that, and I had to fight for every minute with them. She saw a counselor for awhile when she was younger, but then her counselor retired. We went through several more counselors and weren't able to find any that she would talk to or connected with, so we quit looking. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like such a failure.
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5 comments:
I feel your pain. A few years ago I was laid up on the couch with a herniated disc. I couldn't sit, hobbled bent way over, and spent all my time, day and night, in extreme pain. I cried a LOT. My kids were 13 and 14 at the time. My special needs daughter waited on me hand and foot, cooked for me, massaged my feet, and prayed over me. My older and more-abled son did nothing but see how much he could get away with - getting on my computer to play games, sneaking out of the house, etc. It broke my heart how little love he showed me when I was helpless. I called him on it, and you know what he said? Jasmine could handle it, so he didn't need to.
One Sunday later on, our pastor spoke on the Holy Spirit and on the passage where Jesus says whatsoever you have done to the least of these, you have done also to me. I told Barron later that because the Holy Spirit dwells in each of us, when he is mistreating Jasmine or disrespecting me, he is doing it to God. He was stunned by that. He was better for a while. Maybe Beth's heart will be captured by that truth. Because you are believers, the Holy Spirit dwells in each of you, and Beth's arguing and mean-spirited behavior towards family is also towards God. Also, she cannot hope to win V for the Lord displaying such an unkind and unloving attitude towards her sister and her mother.
Re update: If you're a failure, then I am too. You know what has become of my son. My dad felt like a failure because of the way my brother turned out, no matter that I am the opposite. I don't accept that I failed, though. I did the best I could. B (my son) failed; he failed to listen and learn, he failed to believe, and he failed to obey the law. I looked for help everywhere. That's all you can do. If Beth does not stop tormenting her sister, she could end up in wilderness camp. The one B went to only lasted 5 months because of his age. Most last 1-2 years for younger kids. To get to that point, you need to have a counselor involved. Just use all the resources available in your area; that's all you can do. That and pray. God will provide the tools needed to set Beth right, but He will still leave the choice to behave up to her, just like He did with B.
You are NOT a failure. You are one of the best mothers I know. It sounds like B is dealing with some pent-up anger from things that do not directly involve you or CR. Also, it is possible there are things going on at school that are affecting her behavior (kids being mean to her, or kids acting "cool" because they're mean to their own siblings)? Just a thought. I'm praying for you both.
Melissa,
Keeping you all in prayers. Do the girls attend youth group? Maybe the youth pastor could talk with her. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but you are not a failure. You sharing this shows how much you care about your children and their well being.
You may want to try again contacting some agencies for a counselor so that she can go and talk to someone.
Wish I could say more but please know that I'm keeping you in prayers.
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