Out of Control...Continued

When we got to Maui, it felt like a foreign country. People dressed different, talked different, and acted different. It was kind of scary.

We stayed with my uncle when we first got there. According to my mom, our purpose was to help my uncle take care of his kids. He was divorced and had custody of my three cousins. Originally, my mom was the one that was supposed to take care of the kids, but I ended up watching them more than anyone. I really loved my cousins, really I did, but they weren't disciplined very well and were kind of wild. The living conditions at my uncle's house weren't so great, either. He threw parties that were reminiscent of the parties my mom threw when we lived in california. We did not move into a good situation.

After staying with my uncle for a few weeks, my mom's boyfriend showed up from California, and we had to move out of my uncle's apartment. Mom wasn't working yet, but somehow we were able to move into a small one bedroom apartment. There were roaches everywhere and it smelled bad. In the one small bedroom were two twin beds. I can't remember the sleeping arrangements, but there were four of us (mom, her boyfriend Mark, Eddie, and me) living there.

The drugs continued. In fact, when money was tight, mom began sleeping with the upstairs neighbors in exchange for her drugs. Her boyfriend seemed to encourage the behavior. Eddie and I were sent on a lot of walks. We would walk up and down the beach or hang out in the hotel across the street, trying to pretend we belonged there. Frequently, the upstairs neighbors would give us money to go to the market down the road in order to get rid of us. Once again mom got pregnant. Once again, she miscarried. Once again, she cried.

Sometime during our stay in the first apartment, mom enrolled us in school. I was in the eighth grade and in middle school and Eddie was a freshman in high school. I went from being a straight A student and teachers pet to feeling like the bottom of the heap. I wasn't welcome by the students or the teachers at my new school. I was a little haoli (white) girl, invading their space. It seemed like every time I turned around, someone was yelling at me, calling me names or pushing me out of the way. I felt so alone, but things were much worse for Eddie.

In Hawaii, everything is different than in California. It takes a long time for styles and trends to reach them and much of the time, they reject them altogether. Eddie chose to stick to his style from California and refused to fit in. His hair was black with a blue streak in it, his face was made pale with make-up, and he wore his trench coat, even on the hottest days. Those horrible kids in high school called him all sorts of synonyms for homosexual and threw rotten fruit on him. It wasn't long before he dropped out, but he didn't tell anyone. He just walked the beach all day then came home when he saw the bus go by.

We didn't stay in the first apartment for long. Mom received a large check from Hewlett Packard, depleting her 401K and her stock fund. It was enough to secure a gorgeous, one bedroom penthouse apartment for one month.

On the day we were to move, we had to go to my Uncle's house to pick up some things that we had left at his place. Mom needed my help moving, so she let me stay home from school that day. She left me standing on the sidewalk outside my Uncle's apartment complex while she went inside. A few minutes after she left me there, two very large, samoan cops came up to me and started asking me questions. I was completely honest when I told them that I was allowed to take the day off school. I told them that they could find my mom inside and gave them the apartment number, but she wasn't in there when they looked for her. I didn't know where she was, and they decided I was lying and had cut school, so they forced me into the back of their police car and took me to the police station.

I have no idea how much time passed. It felt like forever, but I'm sure I was only detained for an hour or so. The only thing that is really clear to me about the whole experience is that I was scared. I didn't know if my mom knew where I was. I didn't know if she'd ever make it up there to get me. I had no idea what they were going to do to me. They put me in a holding cell, and I waited.

When my mom finally came to pick me up, she told them everything that I had already said. She told them that we were moving and that I had permission to stay home that day. They let us go, but not without a warning. They warned me not to miss another day of school or they'd come get me. I knew they meant business.

The new apartment was great. It was only one bedroom, so Mark and Mom took the bedroom and Eddie and I shared the pull-out couch. It was kind of weird sharing a bed with my brother when we were fourteen and fifteen years old, but we really had no choice. We just didn't tell anyone.

While we lived in the fancy apartment, mom worked at a restaurant that was located on the ground floor. I don't know what Mark did, but whatever it was, it didn't put food on our table. Then again, money for food didn't come from mom's job either. Instead, mom would bring home the heels of the bread from work and whatever else she could sneak out of the restaurant, and that's what we got for food.

One night mom and Mark got into a huge fight. There was yelling and screaming and throwing things. Mark was violently angry. I was terrified. Eddie kept trying to get in between mom and Mark to protect her, but it didn't help. Mom ended up covered in bruises, and Mark ended up throwing a television and coffee table at Eddie. I ran out the front door and down the hall to the payphone and called the police. When the police took Mark away, that was the last time we ever saw him. That was also the last we saw of our apartment. We were kicked out. I don't know if mom was fired or quit, but she didn't have a job after we left, either.

Mom used the last of the gas in our car to drive into town. She parked it under a tree in an out of the way parking lot then we spent the night walking. We just walked aimlessly around town. We were all crying. I've never felt so lost or helpless. We lived in the car for weeks. We had no money, we had no food, and we had no joy.

Somehow, we survived. Mom would disappear now and then and return with food. I don't remember much of what she brought back, but I do remember that one time she brought a loaf of bread and a jar of strawberry jam. We survived off that for a week.

In all of this, I do remember one very happy moment. Mom and I were walking through a park, and I found a five dollar bill on the sidewalk. I looked around to make sure no one was missing it, then I picked it up and we took it to the nearest grocery store. We bought a half gallon of New York Blueberry Cheesecake ice cream, took a couple of spoons from the deli inside the grocery store then sat in the park and ate the whole thing. I know it may not seem like a happy moment, but when you look at our overall life situation, it was a time to be carefree. We laughed and talked about unimportant things and just enjoyed ourselves. It was wonderful. It is one of those memories that I take out from time to time and just relish it.

After living in the car for a few weeks, I couldn't handle it any more. I called my dad collect and asked him to bring me home. He offered to send for Eddie, too, but Eddie didn't want to go. I don't know how dad did it, but I was home within the week. The Maui nightmare was over. I survived it. I was ready to live again.